I woke up with the first rays of the sun today. My bed was warm and I wanted to sleep for a little longer. But I remembered that I had my last criminology lecture of the year at 8am and bounded from under the covers. I sneaked a peek outside and a feeling of contentment settled in my heart when I saw the glorious morning which was waiting to be tasted, to be lived, and to be enjoyed in all it’s simplistic grandeur. Having taken care of the daily rituals of early morn, I proceeded to be swayed by Hiruma Himawari’s flawless piano rendition of ‘When the Love Falls”. Incidentally, I happened to discover the magic of Hiruma while watching the movie “Twilight” for the second time yesterday. I was so enthralled by the music of the above that I youtubed the soundtrack and there began my chance acquaintance with a wonderfully talented artist who has struck a chord in the innermost vibrations of my being.
My room was transformed into a peaceful abode and I savoured the spell which lingered on even after the music softly died away. Nothing soothes the soul quite much as music played for the glory of the Lord: graceful, wholesome, passionate and eternal. Outside, the melody of birds found its rhythm with the sweet caress of the wind. The result was a pleasing sound which earned the credit of making me fall in love with nature all over again. To be at peace with Mother Nature is to be at peace with oneself and such a feeling is priceless.
I opened the refrigerator and poured a generous dose of milk in my favourite blue bowl and the cereals crackled with complicity. The cold milk received a warm welcome by my senses and wetted my dry lips, only to trickle amusedly down my parched throat. Breakfast completed, my prayers said and done, I prepared two emmental cheese and jam sandwiches, dressed lightly in blue jeans, a sunflower- yellow T-shirt and my favourite pale blue pair of trainers and set out into the provincial domain to fulfil the day’s duties. The short bus ride to the Aix law faculty was uneventful, save from a humongous smile accorded to me by the lady bus driver. I grinned inwardly when I arrived on campus and was greeted by the lovely rose garden which was in full blossom and had already lost all its morning dew in the heat game played by the untamed sun.
A light breeze ruffled the mess which supposedly gave itself the name of hair and pink rose petals and dead leaves swirled at my feet. I headed in the direction of the ‘Boulan’ amphitheatre and a wave of sadness washed over me as I realised that this would be my last criminology lecture ever in this faculty with a lecturer which commanded both my admiration and respect for delivering with gusto and never giving his audience a dull moment. As I scribbled away during the two hours which followed, I was immensely thankful and grateful for the year spent in Aix and quite sorry at the prospect of leaving all too soon. Monsieur Lassalle ended the ‘cours’ with his usual inwardly satisfied crooked smile and wished us luck for the exams, amidst a round of hearty applause as a note of thanks for the knowledge that he imparted so gratuitously.
The rest of the day was spent in an overheated university library which apparently had not equipped itself with an air conditioning system and revision notes of droit des contrats, droit constitutionnel, droit delictuel, criminology, and histoire du droit, were scribbled away very painfully amidst suffocation and dehydration. Still my resolve refused to suffer a blow and give in to the whims of bad (or non-existent) air conditioning. So I buried myself in the ‘delightful’ subject of ‘la division horizontale des pouvoirs’ and endured, till hunger pangs demanded a bite of the sandwiches in the company of white, pink, red, and yellow roses. I found a nice bench in the shade and devoured the cheese with a voluntary ‘gourmandise’, read a few pages of ‘Toujours Provence’ and laughed at Peter Mayle’s benevolent outlook on life, while my ears enjoyed the privilege of being soothed by the genius of A R Rehman’s Delhi 6 album and the excellent voice of Kailash Kher in the song ‘Arziyan’. Another three hours elapsed in the joys of french law and when I walked back home in the blistering heat later during the day, tired but blissfully happy, I mused about the fact that nearly nine months ago, I was complaining about my fate. Fate, it seems, has this unusual way of turning itself into what we make of it…Life is good, it has always been and will always be.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Light
LIGHT
I open one eye...The sun’s fugitive ray of light steals into the dark, annihilating hell which is my room...Light...Light equals life; light equals hope; light equals happiness; light equals dawn...I hate light and so I hate its synonyms: hope, happiness and dawn. When I think about the word light, I feel like I want to cover myself up with a black cloack and hide from the surface of the earth. Find myself a place where light cannot reach me, where its stare and spells cannot touch my skin.
I open another eye and search for something in the semi-darkness. There’s light outside, so it must be early morning, or maybe late morning? Or midday? How do I care? It’s been a while since I have risen from bed, shaken myself out of my lethargic state and wandered outside. The outside world scares me, leaves me frightened out of my wits, gives me goosebumps as I even think about the strangers living in this big town. But who is a stranger here? I am the stranger, I came here to start a new life, I was not unwelcome nor was I welcome, but somehow I am an alien on earth, I am a misfit and I do not ft into society; I never did.
HAPPINESS
I shall start with happier times, times when the world would smile at me, welcoming me with outstretched hands and beckoning me into a phantasmagoria of opportunities and buoyancy. Life then was a mixture of happiness, excitement and harmless fun. Expectations would crystallise out of nowhere and sparkle with all its attire and fragance and my eyes would stare in mock wonder and amusement at the excess of joy God was spreading in my lap. Happy-go-lucky, bubbly, effervescent, radically different from the rest of the crowd, I was a pastel of all the shades that you could pick from the colours of the rainbow, I was more than a mystery, a pearl of non-fiction coupled with a zest of spiritedness. My rage to live life like a tornado urged to crash with all its force, like a whirpool bursting foam into the torpor of the earth, like an earthquake pushed to its limits...used to stun my entourage, sometimes making them shake thieir heads in disbelief, at other times, staring at my antics in utter shock, and trying to fathom what on earth I was made of...And all I coudl do was laugh at them...Nothing could stop me from tasting the fruit of life, the forbidden apple was withing my grip and I would climb every mountain, cross every ocean and pass every hurdle just to satisfy my hunger for adventure, quench my thirst for passion and discove the grandeur of dear old existence...
DREAMS
What are dreams made of? Reality coupled with bits and pieces of the past and the future. Dreams are nourishment for the soul, reinvigorating the hopeless, raising the lifeless from their slumber and driving the adventurous along the course of their destiny. We live and we dream. We dream and we live. We live life, but we dream of things out of this life. When we are young and bursting with freshness, dreams explode with all their force within us and as we contemplate them, we get pumped up with renewed energy and a sense of wanting to fulfil them all. Dreams are what keeps us convinced that we have a motive, a goal and an objective in life. We wake up at the crack of dawn and as the sun wakes up from its lethargia, our minds become active with hope and bursting with strength to face the challenges of the day. But what happens when platitude and boredom settle in like unwelcome guests?
BEAUTY
Beauty is truth, truth is beauty, I dare echo Keats's powerful words...A single red rose arching from wakefulness and painting the garden with it's red hues; a sunset sending shy rays of vermillion and orange into the sky and leaving traces of blue and violet as a reminder of its prowess; waves lapping into the ocean mild fury; winds caressing dead leaves and sending them into a twirling session as they are lifted gracefully off the ground, tossed radiantly into the air and then as they tentatively land on firm soil again; a song rehearsal where crescendos brush aside the tumult of bland life and from where a song of life is fashioned again, dug from the magic and brilliance of music. Life is beautiful...If only the joy it offers were not ephemeral...
PAIN
The tears come even though they have not invited. They cascade out of nowhere, creating riot and prick the eyes without the least warning...When pain bursts from the confines of the heart, when you cannot remember just how you lost it all, when rejection is at the end of the corridor and when you come to terms with the cruel realities of life, that's just when you realise that pian is a constant companion and that happiness is only a reminder that sadness and loss are a door away. That's why I prefer remaining a stranger to bouts of pleasure...
HOPE
But even through the confusing mazes and the hopelessness, there is a time of atonement and forgiveness. God is there to listen to our angst and our troubles. He watches over us and understands our woes only too well...That's why he sends His angels to dry those tears and bring a tentative smile to our lips Because life is meant for living and however down the pits we are, it is not over when the clock strikes our doom. For every broken heart, there is a friend who is there to heal the wonds; for every grim dawn, there is a nightingale singing brighter songs; for every missed opportunity, there is another sunrise which prepares to give even more good reasons to stay focused and seize the day; for each of our miserable yesterdays, there are a million more tomorrows hatching with bluer skies, rosier clouds and lovelier rainbows...
That is why we have to sport our best smile...Even when it seems like the tears will catch up with us any minute now...So SMILE:)
I open one eye...The sun’s fugitive ray of light steals into the dark, annihilating hell which is my room...Light...Light equals life; light equals hope; light equals happiness; light equals dawn...I hate light and so I hate its synonyms: hope, happiness and dawn. When I think about the word light, I feel like I want to cover myself up with a black cloack and hide from the surface of the earth. Find myself a place where light cannot reach me, where its stare and spells cannot touch my skin.
I open another eye and search for something in the semi-darkness. There’s light outside, so it must be early morning, or maybe late morning? Or midday? How do I care? It’s been a while since I have risen from bed, shaken myself out of my lethargic state and wandered outside. The outside world scares me, leaves me frightened out of my wits, gives me goosebumps as I even think about the strangers living in this big town. But who is a stranger here? I am the stranger, I came here to start a new life, I was not unwelcome nor was I welcome, but somehow I am an alien on earth, I am a misfit and I do not ft into society; I never did.
HAPPINESS
I shall start with happier times, times when the world would smile at me, welcoming me with outstretched hands and beckoning me into a phantasmagoria of opportunities and buoyancy. Life then was a mixture of happiness, excitement and harmless fun. Expectations would crystallise out of nowhere and sparkle with all its attire and fragance and my eyes would stare in mock wonder and amusement at the excess of joy God was spreading in my lap. Happy-go-lucky, bubbly, effervescent, radically different from the rest of the crowd, I was a pastel of all the shades that you could pick from the colours of the rainbow, I was more than a mystery, a pearl of non-fiction coupled with a zest of spiritedness. My rage to live life like a tornado urged to crash with all its force, like a whirpool bursting foam into the torpor of the earth, like an earthquake pushed to its limits...used to stun my entourage, sometimes making them shake thieir heads in disbelief, at other times, staring at my antics in utter shock, and trying to fathom what on earth I was made of...And all I coudl do was laugh at them...Nothing could stop me from tasting the fruit of life, the forbidden apple was withing my grip and I would climb every mountain, cross every ocean and pass every hurdle just to satisfy my hunger for adventure, quench my thirst for passion and discove the grandeur of dear old existence...
DREAMS
What are dreams made of? Reality coupled with bits and pieces of the past and the future. Dreams are nourishment for the soul, reinvigorating the hopeless, raising the lifeless from their slumber and driving the adventurous along the course of their destiny. We live and we dream. We dream and we live. We live life, but we dream of things out of this life. When we are young and bursting with freshness, dreams explode with all their force within us and as we contemplate them, we get pumped up with renewed energy and a sense of wanting to fulfil them all. Dreams are what keeps us convinced that we have a motive, a goal and an objective in life. We wake up at the crack of dawn and as the sun wakes up from its lethargia, our minds become active with hope and bursting with strength to face the challenges of the day. But what happens when platitude and boredom settle in like unwelcome guests?
BEAUTY
Beauty is truth, truth is beauty, I dare echo Keats's powerful words...A single red rose arching from wakefulness and painting the garden with it's red hues; a sunset sending shy rays of vermillion and orange into the sky and leaving traces of blue and violet as a reminder of its prowess; waves lapping into the ocean mild fury; winds caressing dead leaves and sending them into a twirling session as they are lifted gracefully off the ground, tossed radiantly into the air and then as they tentatively land on firm soil again; a song rehearsal where crescendos brush aside the tumult of bland life and from where a song of life is fashioned again, dug from the magic and brilliance of music. Life is beautiful...If only the joy it offers were not ephemeral...
PAIN
The tears come even though they have not invited. They cascade out of nowhere, creating riot and prick the eyes without the least warning...When pain bursts from the confines of the heart, when you cannot remember just how you lost it all, when rejection is at the end of the corridor and when you come to terms with the cruel realities of life, that's just when you realise that pian is a constant companion and that happiness is only a reminder that sadness and loss are a door away. That's why I prefer remaining a stranger to bouts of pleasure...
HOPE
But even through the confusing mazes and the hopelessness, there is a time of atonement and forgiveness. God is there to listen to our angst and our troubles. He watches over us and understands our woes only too well...That's why he sends His angels to dry those tears and bring a tentative smile to our lips Because life is meant for living and however down the pits we are, it is not over when the clock strikes our doom. For every broken heart, there is a friend who is there to heal the wonds; for every grim dawn, there is a nightingale singing brighter songs; for every missed opportunity, there is another sunrise which prepares to give even more good reasons to stay focused and seize the day; for each of our miserable yesterdays, there are a million more tomorrows hatching with bluer skies, rosier clouds and lovelier rainbows...
That is why we have to sport our best smile...Even when it seems like the tears will catch up with us any minute now...So SMILE:)
Unsung songs...
There is an unsung song in my heart, a tumultuous heartbeat, an agonising truth…Time and fate have played the strangest of games with me, and here I stand alone, trapped in the seamless and hapless avenues of my destiny. There was a time of laughter, of happiness, of vibrancy, of plenitude and of cascading joys… Now, I watch the sands of time quietly slip from my outstretched fingers, unable to dictate fate and to give reason to my jumbled feelings. How I wish I could hop into a time machine and go back to those days when the mornings used to burst with freshness, where I could taste the dewdrops on my thirsty lips, where I could feel the sun in the palm of my hands, where I could be that rainbow sending gorgeous hues into a petulantly mischievous sky of velvet blue. How I wish I could be that girl who had that constant smile on her face, who would skip and dance about, oblivious to the pain and the hurt.
But dreams are just dreams and wishes seldom come true as my dear friend once said. We can dream all we want, wish all we can…But the cold truth will never change, will never move one pace. There have been so many challenges, so many opportunities, and so many manoeuvres… But however hard I tried, the dreams have been too distant and my hopes have melted into the labyrinths of dread and failure. While success has played a game of hide-and-seek with me and happiness has evaded me every step of the way, I have also been unable to make peace with my troubled past, preferring to dodge harsh reality and live in a world of make-belief. Love has never been a companion; it has always been a burden I’ve carried, a heavy cross of rejection and betrayal… Tormented by the demons of my past, haunted by the shadows of fear and forever directed towards the precipice of deceit, I’ve shared a love-and-hate, hit-and-run relationship with myself.
Now that there is no more hope lurking in the shadows, now that the time of judgement has insidiously swept in like an unwelcome guest, now that each ray of sunshine dies at my doorstep, there is no space for love and forgiveness. I will not be able to break the shackles I’ve tied to my feet and arms, I will never get the chance of tasting that last drop of rain down my throat, I will never be able to embrace my lover one last time. I am doomed to a silent death… I, a monument of pain, will stand naked in the centre of this populous street and scream a soundless cry of dismay… And only those who share my angst, those who have treaded this earth in search of solace but only found solitude, will be able to hear my cries…Only those who have relied on friendship and have had blind faith in that ephemeral thing called love, but have been rewarded with nothing but hatred, and felt the pangs of betrayal…Only those lost souls will be able to lend me a sympathetic ear… But I will smile a sardonic smile and remain like that stone everyone has labelled me as…
But dreams are just dreams and wishes seldom come true as my dear friend once said. We can dream all we want, wish all we can…But the cold truth will never change, will never move one pace. There have been so many challenges, so many opportunities, and so many manoeuvres… But however hard I tried, the dreams have been too distant and my hopes have melted into the labyrinths of dread and failure. While success has played a game of hide-and-seek with me and happiness has evaded me every step of the way, I have also been unable to make peace with my troubled past, preferring to dodge harsh reality and live in a world of make-belief. Love has never been a companion; it has always been a burden I’ve carried, a heavy cross of rejection and betrayal… Tormented by the demons of my past, haunted by the shadows of fear and forever directed towards the precipice of deceit, I’ve shared a love-and-hate, hit-and-run relationship with myself.
Now that there is no more hope lurking in the shadows, now that the time of judgement has insidiously swept in like an unwelcome guest, now that each ray of sunshine dies at my doorstep, there is no space for love and forgiveness. I will not be able to break the shackles I’ve tied to my feet and arms, I will never get the chance of tasting that last drop of rain down my throat, I will never be able to embrace my lover one last time. I am doomed to a silent death… I, a monument of pain, will stand naked in the centre of this populous street and scream a soundless cry of dismay… And only those who share my angst, those who have treaded this earth in search of solace but only found solitude, will be able to hear my cries…Only those who have relied on friendship and have had blind faith in that ephemeral thing called love, but have been rewarded with nothing but hatred, and felt the pangs of betrayal…Only those lost souls will be able to lend me a sympathetic ear… But I will smile a sardonic smile and remain like that stone everyone has labelled me as…
My motherland's lullaby
Far away in a distant land,
Far, far away across the miles
Rests an island of sun and sand,
Sparkling with rainbows and smiles.
Here in my cold and drab flat
Perusing over mountains of books
The darkness transforms me into a blind bat
As I am surrounded by glares and strange looks.
As much as I fit into this higgledy-piggledy mess
I am still very much a stranger,
A mere visitor, a tad hapless,
Wondering if I might ever win this wager.
Outside, all looks dull and morose;
Nothing cajoles me back into happy cheer
I stop in my tracks and take a half-hearted pause,
Reminiscing about things so far, yet so near.
Old times, happier times, grander times,
When the sun would warm my heart
When the rain would fall in rhymes,
Waking me from my reverie with a start.
As I long back and contemplate on the past
Everything comes back in a blinding flash
Swirling and knocking my senses so fast
That I only get flimsy glimpses in a dash.
Winter nights wrapped in togetherness
Candle lit dinners for grand occasions
Huge bear hugs offered in utter randomness;
The joyous reunions, the deep communions.
Secret wonders under the tree at Christmas
Unimaginable number of cakes at the festival of lights
Often, uncountable dinners are a must
The after party ending in gales of laughter and pillow fights.
Crispy ‘gateau-piments’ invariably prompt an excited cheer,
May it be a fancy reception or a simple convening;
While the incoherent list of abuses after a rowdy evening
Is logically explained by generous sips of our national beer.
Here the cold compels me into dark mood
Nothing comes close to home’s spiritedness
Nothing matches mum’s Love and dad’s companionship
Nothing can soothe away the gnawing fear.
Nothing like the sound of waves singing over the ocean
Nothing like the feel of the sand on one’s feet
Nothing like the rays of the sun over a velvet blue sky
Nothing like the lullaby of one’s motherland.
Far, far away across the miles
Rests an island of sun and sand,
Sparkling with rainbows and smiles.
Here in my cold and drab flat
Perusing over mountains of books
The darkness transforms me into a blind bat
As I am surrounded by glares and strange looks.
As much as I fit into this higgledy-piggledy mess
I am still very much a stranger,
A mere visitor, a tad hapless,
Wondering if I might ever win this wager.
Outside, all looks dull and morose;
Nothing cajoles me back into happy cheer
I stop in my tracks and take a half-hearted pause,
Reminiscing about things so far, yet so near.
Old times, happier times, grander times,
When the sun would warm my heart
When the rain would fall in rhymes,
Waking me from my reverie with a start.
As I long back and contemplate on the past
Everything comes back in a blinding flash
Swirling and knocking my senses so fast
That I only get flimsy glimpses in a dash.
Winter nights wrapped in togetherness
Candle lit dinners for grand occasions
Huge bear hugs offered in utter randomness;
The joyous reunions, the deep communions.
Secret wonders under the tree at Christmas
Unimaginable number of cakes at the festival of lights
Often, uncountable dinners are a must
The after party ending in gales of laughter and pillow fights.
Crispy ‘gateau-piments’ invariably prompt an excited cheer,
May it be a fancy reception or a simple convening;
While the incoherent list of abuses after a rowdy evening
Is logically explained by generous sips of our national beer.
Here the cold compels me into dark mood
Nothing comes close to home’s spiritedness
Nothing matches mum’s Love and dad’s companionship
Nothing can soothe away the gnawing fear.
Nothing like the sound of waves singing over the ocean
Nothing like the feel of the sand on one’s feet
Nothing like the rays of the sun over a velvet blue sky
Nothing like the lullaby of one’s motherland.
Fly away my spotted butterfly
Fly away my spotted butterfly
Fly away into the velvet blue sky
Follow the musing of your heart
Fly away into fate's overwhelming embrace.
As I sit on the bank of this stream
And listen to the silence of the water
I envy your joyous freedom
I long to be carefree and cheery again.
To caress the reeds with my fingers
To tie my hair in pretty braids
And saunter into the wilderness
To be young, free and without a care in the world.
How I wish I could go back in time
And change destiny’s tale
How I wish I could wipe away every pain
And start on a clean slate again.
Fly away my friend, my muse, my comrade
Fly into the green fields stretching over miles
Follow the wind diligently
Where your dreams dare take you.
In the looking glass, I can see my family back home
Laughing, smiling and ever so comforting
It seems only like yesterday
When I set out to win and to conquer.
But an eternity has passed since
And I am still waiting for the laurels
I have watched the sands of time slip away
And only gathered dust and debris in my lap.
The thunder rolls faintly in the distance
But it hardly bothers me
My soul is ransacked and destroyed
And searches for a soothing balm.
But it feels like looking for a needle in a haystack
The journey has been tedious and wrecked with tests
The frontier between good and evil blurred
And I have endured where I was meant to embrace.
Fly away into the grand horizon
Be bold, be brave, be yourself
Fly away my angel, fly into the unknown
Into the sunshine, into the light, into the Lord’s realm.
A leaf gently swishes into the air
And lands on my cold, cold, hand
Reality hits me like a ton of bricks
Lurking at every corner, it finds an excuse to resurface.
But what if that same reality
Could be altered at my own will
What if sweetness and goodness
Were to come into my life once again?
What if I smiled more?
What if I simply lived more?
What if I took each day as a blessing?
What if I broke into song and cheer?
The grave branches nod in silent agreement
Nothing is lost until the final hour
The more things lack rhyme or reason
The less we understand the Lord’s will.
The greater is this adventure
The more we despair and disappoint
There are chances that hope is just round the corner.
That each wound carries secret healing powers.
I know not where the road will take me
I know not whether tomorrow will ever come
Whether it will be sunshine or rain
Nothing lasts forever, everything fades.
Let me fly away with you my spotted friend
Now is our chance to taste the first pellet of rain
To dance with the pixies and laugh in delight
To forget the world for once and live the dream.
Fly away into the velvet blue sky
Follow the musing of your heart
Fly away into fate's overwhelming embrace.
As I sit on the bank of this stream
And listen to the silence of the water
I envy your joyous freedom
I long to be carefree and cheery again.
To caress the reeds with my fingers
To tie my hair in pretty braids
And saunter into the wilderness
To be young, free and without a care in the world.
How I wish I could go back in time
And change destiny’s tale
How I wish I could wipe away every pain
And start on a clean slate again.
Fly away my friend, my muse, my comrade
Fly into the green fields stretching over miles
Follow the wind diligently
Where your dreams dare take you.
In the looking glass, I can see my family back home
Laughing, smiling and ever so comforting
It seems only like yesterday
When I set out to win and to conquer.
But an eternity has passed since
And I am still waiting for the laurels
I have watched the sands of time slip away
And only gathered dust and debris in my lap.
The thunder rolls faintly in the distance
But it hardly bothers me
My soul is ransacked and destroyed
And searches for a soothing balm.
But it feels like looking for a needle in a haystack
The journey has been tedious and wrecked with tests
The frontier between good and evil blurred
And I have endured where I was meant to embrace.
Fly away into the grand horizon
Be bold, be brave, be yourself
Fly away my angel, fly into the unknown
Into the sunshine, into the light, into the Lord’s realm.
A leaf gently swishes into the air
And lands on my cold, cold, hand
Reality hits me like a ton of bricks
Lurking at every corner, it finds an excuse to resurface.
But what if that same reality
Could be altered at my own will
What if sweetness and goodness
Were to come into my life once again?
What if I smiled more?
What if I simply lived more?
What if I took each day as a blessing?
What if I broke into song and cheer?
The grave branches nod in silent agreement
Nothing is lost until the final hour
The more things lack rhyme or reason
The less we understand the Lord’s will.
The greater is this adventure
The more we despair and disappoint
There are chances that hope is just round the corner.
That each wound carries secret healing powers.
I know not where the road will take me
I know not whether tomorrow will ever come
Whether it will be sunshine or rain
Nothing lasts forever, everything fades.
Let me fly away with you my spotted friend
Now is our chance to taste the first pellet of rain
To dance with the pixies and laugh in delight
To forget the world for once and live the dream.
An Ode to London
I love you London
You are my second home
I like your fragrance and your song
I like your murmur and your passion.
The wintry breeze caresses my cheek
As I stuff my cold hands in my pockets
Light snow swirls into a pattern
And drops of water settle on my nose.
I don't care about the cold
I don't care about the hectic schedule
I just love being part of you
I just love to wallow on your embrace.
You chased away my insecurities
And gave me new-found strength
When my spirits were low
You gave me Phoenix wings to fly at my desire.
Now I am a strong, independent woman
Now I am not scared of destiny
Life is pretty much a theatre of dreams
And I love playing the role you've assigned me.
London, you are a cradle of civilisation
A melting-pot of countless cultures
City of mystery, city of opportunities
You never sleep, you never retire into slumber.
City of love, city of adventure
You are the heart and soul of freedom
You are brimming with pride and love
As the seasons fill your bosom with magical spells.
At dawn, you are wide awake
And accompany Londoners in their stride
At dusk, you still bubble with frenzy
And then settle into a quiet evening.
You are effervescent and buoyant
Always looking for a chance to grow
Always welcoming lost souls
And fulfilling errant dreams.
You have bore testimony to so many success stories
Even today, you have sworn to join hands with fate
And bless your dwellers with fulfillment
And watch them reach for the stars.
I bow to your grandeur, city of dreams
I salute your resilience through the tests of history
City of glamour, city of fashion
You will never fade, nor wither, nor die.
You are my second home
I like your fragrance and your song
I like your murmur and your passion.
The wintry breeze caresses my cheek
As I stuff my cold hands in my pockets
Light snow swirls into a pattern
And drops of water settle on my nose.
I don't care about the cold
I don't care about the hectic schedule
I just love being part of you
I just love to wallow on your embrace.
You chased away my insecurities
And gave me new-found strength
When my spirits were low
You gave me Phoenix wings to fly at my desire.
Now I am a strong, independent woman
Now I am not scared of destiny
Life is pretty much a theatre of dreams
And I love playing the role you've assigned me.
London, you are a cradle of civilisation
A melting-pot of countless cultures
City of mystery, city of opportunities
You never sleep, you never retire into slumber.
City of love, city of adventure
You are the heart and soul of freedom
You are brimming with pride and love
As the seasons fill your bosom with magical spells.
At dawn, you are wide awake
And accompany Londoners in their stride
At dusk, you still bubble with frenzy
And then settle into a quiet evening.
You are effervescent and buoyant
Always looking for a chance to grow
Always welcoming lost souls
And fulfilling errant dreams.
You have bore testimony to so many success stories
Even today, you have sworn to join hands with fate
And bless your dwellers with fulfillment
And watch them reach for the stars.
I bow to your grandeur, city of dreams
I salute your resilience through the tests of history
City of glamour, city of fashion
You will never fade, nor wither, nor die.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Hidden the scars of an ancient battle,
Murmured half-sung lullabies to the wind,
Stifled the last wisps of talent in her bosom,
Fought with all her mighty strength,
Watched helplessly as the sands of time trickled away,
Danced in the shadows of moonlight,
Grasped the strands of fleeting destiny,
Lead the ocean into a chaotic trance
Crushed faith's angels in the palm of her hand,
Clutched the cloak of decrepitude in silent agony,
Breached the secret pact,
Convened a midnight tryst in the middle of a graveyard,
Rummaged crazily into the alleys of a mysterious past,
Ransacked each and every memory which dared resurface,
Hated her pitiful self to near loathing,
Loved until it bordered insanity,
Painted a canvas streaked in blood,
Played hide-and-seek with her alter ego,
Diverted the pangs of envy with vociferous anger.
Such dangerous games she played
Such sordid dreams she nurtured
Such passions she hid in her veil
Such madness she concealed in her lap.
But they only remember the bad things
Only one side of the story had been recorded
They curse her shadow and chased her away with stones
They have no recollection of what she used to be
They cannot even trust themselves to go back in time
She is Evil, she fell from Grace, and she is not Human
Hush, don’t let us be fooled by legends…
How can she have been an Empress, a Queen, a Goddess even?
She used to be a beautiful child, a prim lady and a gorgeous woman.
She used to be a sister, a friend and a lover.
Do you recall her contagious laughter ringing in the valleys?
Do you recall her buoyancy rippling into euphoria?
Do you recall her energy, her wisdom and her boundless love?
I do.
She had been long accustomed to basking in the Lord’s glory
Smiled a thousand smiles and grinned a million grins
Tied her shiny hair into a playful ponytail
Caressed the frivolous reeds watching over the river bank
Felt the first beam of sunlight on her burning skin
Tasted the pellets of rain in summer’s afternoon heat
Worn her cheerfulness like a prized possession
Revelled in the majesty of sunrise
Somersaulted in the quiet reverence of sunset
Smelled the newly blossomed roses in mid-Spring
Pranced around Summer’s ever-wakeful fits of delight
Exchanged Autumn’s threat with spoonfuls of positivity
Calmed down Winter’s arrogance with a shower of flamboyant rainbows
Wallowed in destiny’s grander plans
Tiptoed good-naturedly into fate’s overwhelming embrace
Respected the elders and dutifully bowed down to tradition
Acculturated her People to Music, Art and Poetry
Protected the yield from annihilation by her sole fragrance and abundance
Recycled faith at the altar of Love
Vanquished hatred from each and every heart
Renewed the fire of Communion and sung the anthem of Renewal.
I remember her now, in all her Glory and Magnificence
She was a Mother to me
And I found solace in her arms
Today, you may have shun her
But she does not need your alms
She will always shine in all her Splendour
She is the Light Within and Without.
++I've been uninspired for a good while now. This is my attempt at breaking the torpor-filled cycle. I hope you like this piece, although it's very mushy and a tad too 'Manichean'.++
Krishnee Appadoo © 24.02.10
J’écris, j’écris encore, et j’écris toujours...
Mais n'est-ce pas vraiment une épave?
Jonchée de débris, saccagée par le temps
Une épave qui s'enfonce silencieusement dans l'océan.
Il n'y a plus de place pour l'amertume
Sans broncher, je guette l'avenir qui se défile au loin
Sans défenses, ni secours
Les vagues s'écrasant contre mon ego.
Il était une fois, tout me souriait
Il était une fois, l'or des cieux était a ma portée
Il était une fois, je bricolais joyeusement avec le bonheur
Il était une fois, oh, il était une fois...
Ne dit-on pas que le bonheur est éphémère ?
Ne sommes-nous pas des âmes passagères ?
Ne dit-on pas que toute histoire a une fin ?
Ne sommes-nous pas des naufragés du destin ?
J’écris, j’écris encore, et j’écris toujours
Je n’ai que du papier et un peu d’encre
Et moi qui croyais qu’il me restait encore un épilogue
Qui pouvait se douter d’une fin si tragique ?
Combien de fois peut-on mourir ?
La mort a-t-elle d’innombrables vies ?
A chaque fois que la marée monte
Une partie de moi se vide de tout.
Baisser les bras quand on est si près du but
Perdre la guerre après avoir gagné les batailles
Etre juger avant que l’on ne puisse agir
Se cogner contre la défaite alors que l’on côtoyait la cour des grands.
Quand la tempête battait son plein
La seule chose qui a sauvé mon bateau
Fut la nouvelle lune ; seule, dénudée, vierge
Dans un ciel ravagé par les caprices des dieux.
Cette lune encore si fragile, si pâle
Guida le vaisseau de l’ultime pénombre
Ecrasant sur son passage larmes et regrets
Transformant le grain d’espoir en un bouquet d’énergie.
C’est faux de dire qu’après la pluie, le beau temps
Les signes du bonheur sont les mêmes
Les équations et les règles ne changent jamais
Il suffit seulement de se plonger dans l’aventure…
L’horizon semble se fondre dans un profond gouffre
Le capitaine du navire a beau chercher
Mais souvent les vagues déferlent d’une colère ravageuse
Alors la meilleure voie est celle que l’on n’avait même pas imaginée.
Au passage, on apprend que les trajectoires peuvent changer
L’issue qu’on a avidement recherchée se dessine au fil du temps
Tout arrive à point à qui sait attendre
Au plus profond de chaque individu se cache un être unique.
Souvent on abandonne ses rêves d’adolescents
A force de grandir et de souffrir, on oublie
De goûter aux simples plaisirs de la vie
De se laisser cajoler par nos envies.
Mais rien n’est perdu d’avance
Il suffit de garder la tête haute
De suivre l’hymne de notre cœur
Tout on conservant une foi indomptable.
Les leçons de la vie sont utiles
Les multitudes de sentiers empruntés
Conduisent à la même destination
Celle dont on avait toujours rêvée…
Krishnee Appadoo © 25.07.10
Ile-Magie, île-Chérie, île-Amie
Il existe un coin au monde
Un petit bout de paradis
Ou aucun orage ne gronde
Ou le Bonheur n'est jamais ramolli.
Une île perdue au milieu d'un océan
Précieusement gardée par les sirènes
Là où le soleil chasse les fainéants
Là où toute aventure est une aubaine.
Le mouvement léthargique d'une chenille
La première pluie hivernale qui rafraîchit
Une rosée qui scintille et qui pétille
Une fleur majestueuse qui fleurit.
Nature en symbiose et rêves qui jaillissent
Expressions qui s'expriment sans gêne
Mille lumières qui éblouissent
Innombrables souvenirs qui se déchaînent.
Mon pays, mon berceau à moi
Pays de mille saveurs
Pays où les sensations sont en émoi
Pays où l'on chante toujours en chœur.
Ma mère patrie, la gardienne de mon âme
Une douce maman, un père protecteur
La clé de ma joie, celle qui efface toutes mes drames
Un pays qui m'a nourri et qui m'a grandi sans rigueur.
L'île de mon enfance, l'ile qui a dorloté mes ambitions
Ile de mon adolescence, île qui a noyé mes déboires
Ile de tendresse, île qui me connait comme un miroir
Ile qui se conjugue au naturel, île-fougue, île-révélation.
Ile-Magie, île-Chérie, île-Amie
Je te serai toujours reconnaissante
Car, c'est grâce à ta bénédiction,
Que j'ai gravi avec succès les échelons.
Même si je suis blottie dans mon lit
Dans un pays froid et lointain
Tourmentée par l'urbanisme désinvolte et ses bruits
Chaque jour, je suis réconfortée par tes élans bénins.
Ma petite ile, mon pays a moi,
Sans toi, je serai une orpheline
Sans toi, ma vie ne sera jamais un fleuve tranquille
Et indomptable sera ma foi en toi !
Krishnee Appadoo © 14.08.10
Un petit bout de paradis
Ou aucun orage ne gronde
Ou le Bonheur n'est jamais ramolli.
Une île perdue au milieu d'un océan
Précieusement gardée par les sirènes
Là où le soleil chasse les fainéants
Là où toute aventure est une aubaine.
Le mouvement léthargique d'une chenille
La première pluie hivernale qui rafraîchit
Une rosée qui scintille et qui pétille
Une fleur majestueuse qui fleurit.
Nature en symbiose et rêves qui jaillissent
Expressions qui s'expriment sans gêne
Mille lumières qui éblouissent
Innombrables souvenirs qui se déchaînent.
Mon pays, mon berceau à moi
Pays de mille saveurs
Pays où les sensations sont en émoi
Pays où l'on chante toujours en chœur.
Ma mère patrie, la gardienne de mon âme
Une douce maman, un père protecteur
La clé de ma joie, celle qui efface toutes mes drames
Un pays qui m'a nourri et qui m'a grandi sans rigueur.
L'île de mon enfance, l'ile qui a dorloté mes ambitions
Ile de mon adolescence, île qui a noyé mes déboires
Ile de tendresse, île qui me connait comme un miroir
Ile qui se conjugue au naturel, île-fougue, île-révélation.
Ile-Magie, île-Chérie, île-Amie
Je te serai toujours reconnaissante
Car, c'est grâce à ta bénédiction,
Que j'ai gravi avec succès les échelons.
Même si je suis blottie dans mon lit
Dans un pays froid et lointain
Tourmentée par l'urbanisme désinvolte et ses bruits
Chaque jour, je suis réconfortée par tes élans bénins.
Ma petite ile, mon pays a moi,
Sans toi, je serai une orpheline
Sans toi, ma vie ne sera jamais un fleuve tranquille
Et indomptable sera ma foi en toi !
Bitter-sweet Rapture
Enamoured by the love story which life had painted
Caressed by rapturous music and an ethereal moon
Wondering how she had been granted this boon
All those years she had hopelessly waited
Amidst the querulous garrison of pixies
Revelling in childhood-coated dreams
Drowning in pastel-coloured memories
Blessed by that lucky star's pristine beams
Reminiscing about an ancient, broken past
One minute past midnight, will the magic last?
She heaves a painful sigh, she cries a silent tear
Rummages through the box of hapless fears
Finding only rags of distress, and spells of happiness
Should she hold on to time, lest it starts those sordid games?
Should she reinvent herself, climb down the ladders of pain?
She swam the last lap into oblivion
Gazed into his chocolate eyes, held his warm hands
Loved till she had emptied her soul into his heart
Sold herself to romance, played the flute with Cupid
And now that canvas fades into nothingness
Ravaged by Destiny's wear and tear
She was running away from Truth's cold stare
At her heels, followed Death's dark and ugly minions
One minute she was flashing a dimpled smile
And the next, she had crashed into Fate's overwhelming currents
Laughter died on her lips, the sun's rays dared not accost her
Rainbows had created havoc in her velvet blue sky
But now they shy away from her shadows, anxious for a quick exit.
Shadows of a despicable nature
Matured into a full-blown tempest
The angry torrent of monsoon rains destroyed the harvest
She had hoped for an ounce of sympathy
But she was met with Revenge's compassionless dagger
It pierced into her aching heart
Drawing out a crimson shade of red
Death, her old friend was welcoming her into an afterlife
But she had died a thousand deaths,
Been on the brink of suicide and tampered with the Lord's plans
Skipped across the boundaries erected by the wise sages
Built her cottage amidst the green and lush pastures
She was a blooming flower, the early morning dew
Aching for a glimpse of sunrise and waiting for a Miracle to unfold.
The butterflies were her sole friends
They danced and pranced around
Catching a whiff of her embalmed perfume
She smelled of vanilla, cinnamon and daffodils
The roses envied her perfect beauty
Her dark locks cascaded into an endless wave of joy
The mirrors were all fond of her
Finally they had found their Goddess, their Queen, and their Empress
She was destined for great things; the world was at her feet
If only she had followed her Light
Dared to light a lamp at the altar of Love
But when the time came for her to fly into the spotless horizon
She sheared her wings and broke her promises with the Angels
The veil hid her tear-streaked face
That face which once sparkled, shimmered, glittered
Life, once a great adventure, a friend, a companion
Had transformed into a burlesque nightmare
Her bedside light dimmed into an eerie, dreamless torpor
While a thousand splendid suns fell into her lap
She cursed the still stream which was murmuring lullabies of yesteryears.
Riots of colours into an open sky
The setting sun bursting forth vermillion and orange hues
Eternity brushed past by, Happiness strolled nonchalantly by
The doors to Freedom were locked forever, so were the doors to his heart
Where Faith was secretly mingled with fresh blessings
Where the once simmering effervescence had all but drooped and withered
There she had planted the last rose, that blood-red rose, that sacrilegious flower
Bouquets and brickbats alike
Tears and sunshine alike,
Depression and laughter alike,
She had witnessed life's outbursts of emotions
On the endless shores of a lonely ocean
She had bathed in the magical moonlight
Plunged face down into the abysmal reality
Only to discover that it was all but a charade
This bank and shoal of life had deceived her into believing in fairy-tales
In love's perpetuity she had blindly trusted
While the infinitesimal droplets of rain started her waking dream
Gone were the signs of early spring
Carrying in their wake Abundance, dappled delights and Enlightenment
She had dreamed euphoric happenings
But her hopes had been mercilessly dashed, unequivocally crushed to dust
That which she had jealously held in her bosom
That which she had nurtured like a new born babe
Had turned to be a poisonous dagger, a sword so treacherous
It could pierce into one's heart both ways.
She utters a final word
Crouching low among the reeds
A poor maiden among the dried weeds
The words of utter despondency, of utter failure
Half-hearted goodbyes she bid to life,
They resounded across the plains, empty and hollow
A bright star she was, but the light had gone from her soul
Stifled and extinguished by life's brouhaha
Where the angels had chose to cajole her
She had refused to be nursed by their soothing balm
Instead wallowing in self-pity
Preferring the pangs of loneliness to their reassuring embrace
Love had ransacked her; love had robbed her of Self-Esteem
Today, of all days, she was waiting for Redemption
The latter, dressed in black garbs, did not offer its sympathy
Belligerently, the petals tried to chase away the demons
But they had taken control of the reigns much too soon,
It was only a matter of seconds before the maiden breathed her last
The rosary slipped from her outstretched fingers, her eyes lost their shine
Death had outshone her prayers beseeching for Immortality
Life, after all, had not been a heaven but a journey of thorns and brambles
She had skipped over the winding paths, she had drank from the goblet of existence
But love had killed her; her Lover had left her destitute
It had killed her stealthily, slowly and without warning
She would have been better off without Passion's attire
Now, her Soul has been destroyed beyond repair
It watches forlornly from the cotton-soft skies,
If only she could love again, if only she could turn back the wheels of time
If only she could be human again,
And taste the nectar of life in her Lover's arms
Death, release her from your clutches
Can't you cast off your pitiless cloak for once?
Can't you strike a deal with your arch rival, Life?
Life will give her a second chance, she will love again
Where she had been afraid to love to her heart's content
She will now bask in the glory of Romance
She will be whole again, broken she was,
But mended she will be...
Krishnee © 16.08.10
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