Unsung songs...

There is an unsung song in my heart, a tumultuous heartbeat, an agonising truth…Time and fate have played the strangest of games with me, and here I stand alone, trapped in the seamless and hapless avenues of my destiny. There was a time of laughter, of happiness, of vibrancy, of plenitude and of cascading joys… Now, I watch the sands of time quietly slip from my outstretched fingers, unable to dictate fate and to give reason to my jumbled feelings. How I wish I could hop into a time machine and go back to those days when the mornings used to burst with freshness, where I could taste the dewdrops on my thirsty lips, where I could feel the sun in the palm of my hands, where I could be that rainbow sending gorgeous hues into a petulantly mischievous sky of velvet blue. How I wish I could be that girl who had that constant smile on her face, who would skip and dance about, oblivious to the pain and the hurt.

But dreams are just dreams and wishes seldom come true as my dear friend once said. We can dream all we want, wish all we can…But the cold truth will never change, will never move one pace. There have been so many challenges, so many opportunities, and so many manoeuvres… But however hard I tried, the dreams have been too distant and my hopes have melted into the labyrinths of dread and failure. While success has played a game of hide-and-seek with me and happiness has evaded me every step of the way, I have also been unable to make peace with my troubled past, preferring to dodge harsh reality and live in a world of make-belief. Love has never been a companion; it has always been a burden I’ve carried, a heavy cross of rejection and betrayal… Tormented by the demons of my past, haunted by the shadows of fear and forever directed towards the precipice of deceit, I’ve shared a love-and-hate, hit-and-run relationship with myself.

Now that there is no more hope lurking in the shadows, now that the time of judgement has insidiously swept in like an unwelcome guest, now that each ray of sunshine dies at my doorstep, there is no space for love and forgiveness. I will not be able to break the shackles I’ve tied to my feet and arms, I will never get the chance of tasting that last drop of rain down my throat, I will never be able to embrace my lover one last time. I am doomed to a silent death… I, a monument of pain, will stand naked in the centre of this populous street and scream a soundless cry of dismay… And only those who share my angst, those who have treaded this earth in search of solace but only found solitude, will be able to hear my cries…Only those who have relied on friendship and have had blind faith in that ephemeral thing called love, but have been rewarded with nothing but hatred, and felt the pangs of betrayal…Only those lost souls will be able to lend me a sympathetic ear… But I will smile a sardonic smile and remain like that stone everyone has labelled me as…